Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
