who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
