party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
