pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
