I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's blow job season.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
