I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
