so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
