I'm really into asian looking animals
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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