He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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