She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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