In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
