I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
