Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
