She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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