he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
