why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
