If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
