I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
