he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
