No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
