this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
