I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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