Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
