so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
