I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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