I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
jump out the window naked night went bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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