Say something about gay babies.
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
