did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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