i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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