you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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