you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
