3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dignity is for republicans.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As shirtless as possible
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
