im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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