I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
