Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
