if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
