Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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