i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
