well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
