You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
