my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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