Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
