census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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