Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
