Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
