Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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