every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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