Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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