No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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