there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
